i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
