I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
