So drunk, too bad you don't want this
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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