Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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