He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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