Sacagawea was the original milf.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
