I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
