yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
