I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
