Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
