I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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