Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize