What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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