this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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