My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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