My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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