i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole