I cannot find my penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.