My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.