It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"