she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You pole danced in your parka.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos