school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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