U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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