I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cockslap morals
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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