if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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