Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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