Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
