you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
