when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize