i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
