How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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