when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
