3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
