and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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