I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
