oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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