You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize