make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am spending my child support on dildos
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
