coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
