He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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