I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my being single is dangerous.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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