we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
