I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
soo... how was my night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
