3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
