Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
