I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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