you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
