worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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