I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
