dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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