i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sex in a hospital.. check
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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