tell your sister to shave her snatch
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize