So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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