His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize