Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
