It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
