perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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