Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
