I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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