so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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