Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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