i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
