she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
